Mr. President

The other day I rolled into work at my usual 8:15ish time, scooted past the bosses office, turned on my computer, and promptly went to pick up my friend from her desk to go down to breakfast. I feel like I’m living in a dorm again. Only this time pajamas in the cafeteria is not acceptable.

On the way to the elevator, we start telling each other about our weekends, like always. Keep in mind this is my best work friend, and we know everything there is to know about each other. She knows all my family members names, my whole life story, when I lost my first tooth, what I want to be when I grow up, blah blah blah. If she were a guy, we’d be married by now. So she knows like everything about me. Consequently, I know her full name and approximate age. I stopped listening to her after that. Listening isn’t really my thing. Talking about myself, however, is my forte.

Anyway, I started telling some story about my crazy weekend when one of the eight elevators arrived to take us to breakfast. The doors open and we walk over, and I continue my story, using phrases like “I was so wasted.” And “I can’t even remember driving home.” When we are greeted in the elevator by a short little white haired man. “Hello” he says. “Hi” we say back, in a polite way, but all the while giving this guy, who could easily double as Santa Claus, the once over to see why he’s being so friendly to strangers at eight thirty in the morning. So I continue on with my story, and started listing off the shots I took, when I realize my work friend has gone very quiet. I figured she doesn’t like to talk when a third person is listening so I taper off. Hmm.. she looks a little nervous now and is just staring straight ahead. Then I realize that the guy in the elevator behind me seems really familiar.

I glance at him again. He was just some little guy wearing khaki’s and a polo shirt and had his security badge stuffed in his shirt pocket. Is he that guy who’s always behind me in line for the omelet bar who stares at my ass? Oh no, wait, is he the guy who brought the catering cart to the conference room when we had sad-girl’s birthday party? (who incidentally also stared at my ass) Hm.. I can’t quite place him.

When we got to the cafeteria floor, we got off the elevator without the little man. My friend was still frozen in fear and when the doors closed behind us, I was like “who was that?” She turned to me, totally shocked and said “That was the President of the company! The CEO!”

OH MAN! My one moment to be totally cool and professional in front of an incredibly powerful man and I was telling a story about taking tequila shots! I realized where I’d seen that guy before – on CNN!!

Then I started to doubt it. I was like, “Come on.. he was dressed all casually! And he a security badge just like a common mail boy.” After telling this story to everyone in the office, they all replied the same thing: “Well, what do you expect him to wear? A tux? And of course he has a security badge.. how else would he get in the elevator?” I don’t know, shouldn’t he have his own, diamond encrusted elevator that goes straight from his office to his car? And possible also lifts out of the building and takes him to Wall Street if necessary, like Willy Wonka’s? And I would at least expect his security badge to be gold-plated or something.

As a side note, I quickly became the floor celebrity after having brushed shoulders with greatness. Everyone wanted to hear the story. I sent out a mass email saying ‘Come one, come all and gather ‘round. I shall tell you the tale of the day Heather and the CEO’s fates collided… 1 PM at Heather’s cube. Bring a snack.”

At least I can feel special that he said hi to me. And that I breathed the same air as him. I have to admit, if I had figured out who he was, I don’t think I would have known what to say. What would I have done, sparked up a conversation about the weather? The man probably made more money in the time it took to take that awkward elevator ride then I’ll probably make in my lifetime.

Hmm.. or maybe not. Now that I have an “in” with the CEO, maybe I’ll be climbing to the top a whole lot faster. I’ll always have that tequila shot story to break the ice with him next time I see him.