Big Screen Dreams

Yesterday on a whim I went to Best Buy and decided I was gonna bite the bullet and get a new, big TV! I've spent too many days wandering around electronic stores, wanting a new TV but terrified that I'd get ripped off. I was sure that I’d pick out some TV and as soon as I drove away with bungees holding my new big TV down, the dorky high-school sales person would start laughing to himself about how dumb I was to buy THAT one!

So I got a Philips one (name brand only.. I wasn't gonna get stuck with some unknown brand like Fluxtor or something jazzy sounding that's total crap) and so I proudly wheeled the massive box out to my car and suddenly realized as I approached my weenie Civic that there was no earthly way this gigantic TV was going to fit in my car. Imagine my face going from a pleased grin to a sad scowl in the middle of the Best Buy parking lot. OK, now that sales person really MUST be laughing as he watched me try to deal with this one. I opened my trunk and wheeled the massive box really close to my car and then just sort of stood next to. There were lots of people in the parking lot and I was hoping one would look over and see my cleverly positioned visual reference of the giant TV box, the open tiny trunk, and then me, which was meant to evoke a reaction of “THAT box? In THAT trunk? And THAT little girl? There’s no way!!! I must help her!” So I just stood there for a while, and no one came to my rescue! So I had to go back into Best Buy like someone who totally hadn’t planned their purchase and ask for some help. They paged someone named Domino to help me and I went out to stand my car and wait expectantly.

A few minutes later some thuggy looking guy in street clothes wandered over and said, “Is this your car?” I gave him my best raised eyebrow look of contempt and I was like “Um yes buddy, and kindly step away. While my car is not that exciting and can’t hold a box larger than a bread-box, it’s very cute and loyal and I love it, so kindly leave me alone.” He sort of stood there for another minute and I was about to say “OK, now shoo! Go rob a liquor store or something!” And suddenly I realized this was Domino. Oh crap. Luckily he had no hard feelings, probably because he didn’t understand what I’d said, and he tossed the TV in my car with ease like it was a crumb on his sleeve that he was flicking off.

So I proudly hopped back into my trusty steed and sped of into the sunset and quickly came to my next hurdle. About a mile from home I suddenly thought “How am I gonna get this TV into my apartment?!” I realized I have one possession with wheels that might help me out, so my next plan is the push my giant new TV into my apartment using a dinky IKEA TV stand made for the size TV that you have in your kitchen that you watch the today show on while brushing your teeth. The plan was marvelous. I wheeled the cart to my car and started to lift the TV onto it. Wow. A big TV is really heavy. After a few minutes I started to question all my hours of time spent at the gym and was beginning to wish I could call up Domino for some help. Just then, as if on cue, it started to pour with rain. OK, this is miserable. “Curse thee, Best Buy!!” I shouted, fist clenched, to the heavens. Now with renewed strength and fiery hatred for strong people, I heaved the TV onto the stand and wheeled it down the rainy path for my apartment. I was careful however, to not hit an unexpected speed bump and send the new TV flying into a heap of broken parts, to which I would have collapsed in tears and admitted defeat.

I then heaved the TV into my living room and proudly sat back to admire my brand new, wet TV. It’s beautiful. Sometimes I don’t even turn it on, I just stare at it and admire it. Maybe I’m just proud that I proved that a single, little girl can do anything if she really really wants the people’s head’s on the next episode of The Apprentice to be actual size. It’s amazing how much you can love a hunk of machinery that almost killed you.